spring cleaning

Cassie, me & Autumn at the JV femme conf in Croatia

It’s been a long dingy winter. Not dramatic, not difficult, just…blaaaah. My boots were starting to leak, my once white gloves were frayed and gray, like the slushy snow that’s hanging on to existence. I’m not sure if these surroundings matched my mood or affected my mood. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I seriously doubted whether spring would ever come…and not just warmer weather, but even as in a sense of hope and expectancy. It finally started to turn around last month at our JV women’s conference. Each afternoon we had a few hours to just be alone with the Lord. The first afternoon I tried to pray, but it was kinda blocked, and I ended up sleeping. The next day was better, but as I owned up to some garbage in my attitudes, I knew I needed something, something from the Lord to hold on to.

As part of the theme of the conference, each of us got a card or letter from our mothers. My mom had included a reference in hers: Proverbs 31:25-26. The Proverbs woman, clothed with strength and dignity, laughing at the days to come, speaking wisdom...as I read the verses, I felt defensive. “Okay, okay!—this is not me, this is the opposite of me! I’m weak, undignified, scared of the days to come and seriously feel like I have nothing to say of any value…so, sorry! I feel like I’ve tried to do everything I can to change but I can’t do it!” Then, somehow, God whispered to my soul: Leah, these verses are my promise for you.

It's surprising what encouragement does. If I was God, my word to myself would be "snap out of it, self pity girl!" But He's not like me (yayyyy) and His word of hope has been way more effective than any boot to the rear. With that promise of greater Christ likeness, with that personal something from the Lord, my attitudes have been changing. I'm changing. ... That was March, this is April. Now spring is really here, with all its teasing temperatures and rain and budding. And with all its hope of better days ahead, growth and change, real change…!