another little confession...

When I was 12, I wanted to be a psychologist. I thought it would be cool if people told me their deep, dark secrets and I would tell them why they're a mess and how to fix their lives. Even though by the time I was 14 I was over it (next job: actress!) something of that has remained. People & their depths fascinate me...which is fine, but I can get judgemental real fast. And I often do.

I confess this sin a lot & hate it. Because I can almost read people's next thought, "Has she been judging *me*?" And then, "Who is *she* to judge me?" Word, I know, I know I have NO ROOM to judge anyone...but....

At the JV women's retreat, when I was locked in the park, God spoke to me clearly: Can salt water and fresh water come from the same spring? I knew what he was talking about, because I'd been complaining about some people and hadn't confessed it. So of course I said "noooo..." and then he said, gently, "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." And I said, Lord, change my heart, I can't....

Another situation has been bringing me to me knees, begging God to once again change my heart, and I saw that the core of this issue (from my side) are, again, judgements which have led to guilt, which has led to separation, which has led to...yeah. But somehow this time in the midst of confession, God's given me a little glimpse of who I could be without this sin...a woman who loves deeply and gives grace freely, who will speak a hard truth to a person, but also defends that person. That's the women I want to be. Not some self-righteous armchair psychologist. And I believe that the Lord is in the process of changing me.

Confession brings freedom, so here I am: sobered by sin, confident of God's forgiveness, and grateful for his transformation.