Leah Cox's blog of youth ministry in the Czech Republic with Josiah Venture (plus stuff)

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Why 34 Rocks


Okay, here's the thing. We only have so much time on this earth and birthdays are a definite marker of the end advancing. Sorry, but it's true. At a certain age we start evaluating: am I happy? Am I who I want to be, who I should be? Am I achieving what I want, does my life have meaning, am I going the right way, etc...I think for some of us these questions start around the late 20s, and by the time we're into our thirties we're feeling the answers (or lack thereof) with more weight. It's still not too late to change course, but the fact is that we've already made many of those big choices and are living them out.

When I was about 27, I remember waking up one morning with this strong sense of my path diverging from everyone else's. Dana had 2 kids and was really a mom, and I was getting closer to 30 with no prospects in sight, and for sure no motherhood in sight. Of course, my dear sister isn't necessarily "everyone else," but you know that feeling probably. Like everyone's still on the highway and you're taking this exit that you're not sure you want to.

When I turned 30, I wasn't excited about it. You know what helped? Two things: Anastacia and Connie. Anastacia the singer. I heard that Anastacia said that she loved her thirties because she feels more confident in who she is. For some reason that struck me. Then, Connie and I once prayed together about me being who I am, a woman and not a girl. That was an important turning point for me, and I felt like I could totally let go of my 20s and embrace--not just endure--my 30s.

And it's true, what Anastacia said. I feel like my 20s were a lot about figuring out who I am: what's my personality, who are my friends, who am I in ministry. My thirties are--so far--about if this life I lead matters, what are my priorities, how can I pour my self out for the greater good, for God's glory. I wonder sometimes if I'm doing it right, if my life is too irresponsible--I don't own anything, my mvp is this 5 year old mac with Runaway Bride stuck in the dvd player--and I'm not trying to advance professionally or anything. But I DO have this strong sense of call that supersedes even my harshest criticism. In the middle of tension, doubt, restlessness remains a core of peace and joy. And that, my friends, is why 34 rocks.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Jon and Erin said...

We love you no matter what age you are Leah! We liked it when you turned 30 the most!!!

7:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh how i want my path to diverge with yours...

6:49 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so good

9:24 PM

 
Blogger Leah said...

Woodards--that was a great weekend! I miss you guys!

Danie--CONverge right? I need to call you soon!

Anna, oh, Anna!

7:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i admire you :) even more so now that you were able to incorporate Anastacia into this blog post :)

6:12 PM

 

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